The danger in living a life of "shoulds"

Often when I speak of perfectionism I am sure people think I mean being perfectly on time or perfectly arranging the magnets on the fridge...but what I am actually referring to is the "should's"

All the "should's" are what make you feel like you are on a treadmill, never getting to where you want to be. They create a feeling of tightness in your throat & stomach, & make your heart beat a bit too fast. They build up feelings of resentment, anger & exhaustion in your body. Never being where or who you want to be...

This is perfectionism,

"I should work 9-5"

"I should do that, because others do it"

"I should be doing better by now"

"My body should look like that"

"I should be able to do that"

etc, etc, etc.

They are exhausting for your energy. Your mental load directly impact your physiology (i.e state of health & wellbeing). Having perfectionist tendencies means you likely carry a lot of mental load, have a lot of "should" thoughts, therefore a lot of worry & experience overthinking often too.

All this massively increases the duration of the stress response in your body, this makes is hard for bodily systems to come back into balance...which is where health issues can arise.

Let me be clear...it is not about thoughts or stress being inherently bad for you. 

But working to manage your should thoughts, & how they impact your nervous system is important.

So how can you do this?

1. Try identifying what beliefs you hold around what life "should" look like, & ask yourself what you actually want it to look like. Use your journal to help!
2. Practice cognitive diffusion...the art of letting thoughts come & then letting them go. Training your mind through meditation can help massively with this!
3. Challenge all or nothing thoughts. There can be a sense of impending doom if you fail to meet the "should's" ... but it probably isn't the case - play it out in your mind or on paper "what would happen if I didn't meet these should's"

Living a life of "should's" slowly & surely disconnects you from your sense of self, authenticity, purpose & meaning. It can leave you feeling like time has flown by, like you have been on a treadmill & you don't really know who you are anymore. Not to mention the physical health issues that can arise as a result.

I encourage you to keep the "should's" in check often.

With gratitude,

Sky 🫶🏼